Clerk Pitt changes attitude

At the office, the new and very young clerk Pitt who was very impudent to me a week or so ago, was late again. I told him it would be my duty to inform Mr. Perkupp, the principal. To my surprise. Pitt apologised most humbly and in a most gentlemanly fashion. I was unfeignedly pleased to notic this improvement in his manner towards me, and told him I would look over his unpunctuality. Passing down the room an hour later. I received a smart smack in the face from a rolled-up ball of hard foolscap. I turned round sharply, but all the clerks were apparently riveted to their work. I am not a rich man, but I would give half-a-sovereign to know whether that was thrown by accident or design. Went home early and bought some more enamel paint-black this time-and spent the evening touching up the fender, picture-frames, and an old pair of boots, making them look as good as new. Also painted Gowing's walking-stick, which he left behind, and made it look like ebony.

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Apologise of Gowing

Painted the bath red, and was delighted with the result. Sorry to say Carrie was hot, in fact we had a few words about it. She said Iought to have consulted her, and she had never heard of such a thing as a bath being painted red. I replied:" It's merely a matter of taste."

Fortunately, further argument on the subject was stopped by a voice saying, "May I come in?" It was only Cummings who said, " Your maid opened the dorr, and asked me to excuse her showing me in, as she was writing out some socks." I was delighted to see him, and suggested we should said:" You can be the dummy." Cummings (I thought rather illnaturedly) replied:" Funny as uaual." He said he couldn't stop, he only called to leave me the BICYCLE NEWS, as he had donw with it.

Another ring at the bell; it was Gowing, who said he "must apologise for coming so often, and that one of these days we must come round to HIM." I said:" A very extraordinary thing has struck me." "Something funny, as usual," said Cummings "Yes," I replied;" I think even you will say so this time, It's concerning you both; for doesn't it seem odd that Gowing's always coming and Cummings' always going?" Carrie, who had evidently quite forgotten about the bath, went into fits of laughter, and as for myself, I fairly doubled up in my chair, till it cracked beneath me. I think this was one of the best jokes have ever made.

Then imagine my astonishment on perceiving both Cummings and Gowing perfectly silent, and without a smile on their faces. Afther rather an unpleasant pause, Cummings, who had opened a cigar-case, closed it up again and said:" Yes- I think, after that, I SHALL be going, and I am sorry I fail to see the fun of your jokes." Gowing said he didn't mind a joke when it wasn't rude, but a pun on a name, to his thinking, was certainly a little wanting in good taste. Cummings followed it up by saying, if it had been said by anyone else but myself, he shouldn't have entered the house again. This rahter unpleasantly terminate what might have been a cheerful evening. however, it wasas well they went, for the charwoman had finished up the remains of the cold pork.

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Red enamel paint

Got some more red enamel paint (red, to my mind, being the best colour), and painted the coal-scuttle and the backs of our SHAKSPEARE, the binding of which had almost worn out.

Pinkford's enamel paint

In consequence of Brickwell telling me his wife was working wonders with the new Pinkford's enamel paint, I determined to try it. I bought two tins of red on my way home. I hastened through tea, went into the garden and painted some flower-pots. I called out Carrie, who said:" You've always got some newfangled craze;" but she was obliged to admit that the servant's bedroom and painted her washstand, towel-horse, improvement, but as an example of the ignorance of the lower classes in the matter of taste, our servant, Sarah, on seeming them, evinced no sign of pleasure, but merely said " she thought they looked very well as they was before."

A letter about appriciate

Could scarely sleep a wink through thinking of having brought up Mr. and Mrs. James from the country to go the theatre last night, and his having paid for a private box because our order was not honoured, and such a poor play too, I wrote a very satirical letter to Merton, the wine merchant, who gave us the pass, and said, "Considering we had to pay for our seats, we did our best to appreciate the performance." I thought this line rather cutting, and I asked Carrie how many p's there were in appreciate, and she said, " One." After I sent off the letter I looked at the dictionary and found there were two. Awfully vexed at this.

Decided not to worry myself any more about the James's; for, as Carrie wisely said, "We'll make it all right with them by asking them up from Sutton one evening next week to paly at Bezique."

Humiliation at theatre

Mr. and Mrs. James (Miss Fullers that was came to meat tea, and we left directly after for the Tank Theatre. We got a bus that took us to king's Cross, and then changed into one that took us to the "Angel." Mr. James each time insisted on paying for all, saying that I had paid for the tickets and that was quite enough.

We arrived at theatre, where, curiously enough, all our 's bus-load except an old woman with a basket seemed to be going in. I walked ahead and presented the tickets. The man looked at them, and called out:" Mr. Willowly! Do you know anything about these?" holding up my tickets. The gentlemen called to, came up and examined my tickets, and said:" Who gave you these?" I said, rather indignatly:" Mr. Metton, of course." He said:" Merton? who's he?" I answered, rather sharply:" You ought to know, his name's good at any theatre in London." He replied:" Oh! Is it? Well, it ain't no good here. These tickets, which are not dated, were issued under Mr. Swinstead's management, which has since changed hands." While I was having some very unpleasant words with the man, James, who had gone upstairs with the ladies, called out:" Come on!" I went up after them, and a very civil attendant said:" This way, please, box H." I said to James:" Why, how on earth did you manage it?" and to my horrow he replied:" Why, paid for it of course."

This was humiliating enough, and I could scarely follow the play, but I was doomed to still further humiliation. I was leaning out of the box, when my tie-a little black bow which fastened on to the stud by means of new patent-fell into the pit below. A clumsy man not noticing it, had his foot on it for ever so long before he discovered it. He then picked it up and eventually flung it under the next seat in disgust. What with the box incident and the tie, I felt quite miserable. Mr. James, of Sutton, was ver good. He said:" Don't worry-no one will notice it with your beard. That is the only advantage of growing one that I can see." There was no occasion for that remark, for Carrie is very proud of my beard.

To hide the absence of the tie I had to keep my chin down the rest of the evening, which caused a pain at the back of my neck.

A letter from Merton

Got a reply from Merton, saying he was very busy, and just at present couldn't manage passes for the Italian Opera, Haymarket, Savoy, or Lyceum, but he best thing going on in London was the BROWN BUSHES, at the Tank Theatre, Islington, and enclosed seats for four; also bill for whisky.

Carrie's old school friends' coming

Carrie reminded me that as her old school friends, Annie Fullers (now Mrs. James), and her husband had come up from Sutton for a few days, it would look kind to take them to the theatre, and would I drop a line to Mr. Merton asking him for passes for four, either for the Italain Opera, Haymarket, Savoy, or Lyceum. I wrote Merton to that effect.

A conversation with Mr. Merton

Cummings called, bringing with him his friend Merton, who is the wine trade, Gowing also called Mr. Merton made himself at home at once, and Carrie and I were both struck with him immediately, and thoroughly approved of his sentiments.

He leaned back in his chair and said:" you must take me as I am;" and I replied;" Yes-and you must take us as we are. We're homely people, we are not swells."

He answered:" No, I can see that," and Gowing roared with laughter; but Merton in a most gentlemanly manner said to Gowing:" I don't think you quite understand me. I intended to convey that our charming host and hostess were superior to the follies of fashion, and preferred leading a simple and wholesome life to gadding about to twopenny-halfpenny tea-drinking afternoons, and living above their incomes."

I was immensely pleased with these sensible remarks of Merton's, and concluded that subject by saying:" No, candidly, Mr. Merton, we don't go into Society, because we do not care for it; and what with the expense of cabs here and cabs there, and white gloves and white ties, ets., it doesn't seem worth the money."

Merton said in reference to FRIENDS: "My motton is 'Few and True'; and ,by the way, I also apply that to wine, 'Little and Good.'" Gowing said:" Yes, and sometimes 'cheap and tasty', eh, old man?" Merton, still continuing, said he should treat as a friend, and put me down for a dozen of his "Lockanbar" whisky, and as I was an old friend of Gowing, I should have it for 36s., which was considerably under what he paid for it.

He booked his own order, and further said that at any time I wanted any passes for the theatre I was to let him know, as his name stood good for any theatre in London.

The one about kinahan

Am in for a cold. Spent the whole day at the office sneezing. In the evening, the cold being intolerable, sent Sarah out for a bottle of kinahan. Fell asleep in the arm-chair, and woke with the shivers. Was startled by a loud knock at the front door. Carrie awfully flurried. Sarah still out, so went up, opened the door, and found it was only Cummings. Remembered the grocer's boy had again broken the side-bell. Cummings squeezed my hand, and said:" I've just seen Gowing. All right. Say no more about it." There is no doubt they are both under the impression I have apologised.

While playing dominoes with Cummings in the parlour, he said:" By-the-by, do you want any wine or spirits? My cousin Merton has just set up in the trade, and has a splended whisky, four years in bottle, at thirty-eight shillings. It is worth your while laying down a few dozen of it." I told him my cellars, which were very small, were full up. To my horror, at that very moment, Sarah entered the room, and putting a bottle of whisky, wrapped in a dirty piece of newspaper, on the table in front of us, said:" Please, sir, the grocer says he ain't got no more Kinahan, but you'll find this very good at two-and-six, with twopence returned on the bottle; and, please, did you want any more sherry? As he has some at one-and-three, as dry as not!"

The one about forgiveness

Though I would write a kind little note to Gowing and Cummings about last Sunday, and warning them against Mr. Stillbrook. Afterwards, thinking the matter over, tore up the letters and determined not to WRITE at all, but the SPEAK quietly to them. Dumfounded at receiving a sharp letter from Cummings, saying that both he and Gowing had been waiting for an explanation of MY (mind you, MY) extraodinary conduct coming home on Sunday. At last I wrote:" I thought I was the aggrieved party; but as I freely forgive you, you-feeling yourself aggrieved-should bestow forgiveness on me." I have copied this VERBATIM in the diary, because I think it is one of the most perfect and thoughtful sentences I havce ever written, I posted the letter, but in my own heart I felt I was actually apologising for having been insulted.

Set to work in the garden

After business, set to work in the garden. When it got dark I wrote to Cummings and Gowing (who neither called, for a wonder; perhaps they were ashamed of themselves) about yesterday's adventure at " The Cow and Hedge." Afterwards made up my mind not to write YET.

The one about entrance

At three o'clock Cummings and Gowing called for a good long walk over Hampstead and Finchley, and brought with them a friend named Stillbrook. We walked and chatted together, except Stillbrook, who was always a few yards behind us staring at the ground and cutting at the grass with his stick.

As it was getting on for five, we four held a consultation, and Gowing suggested that we should make for "The Cow and Hedge" and get some tea, Stillbrook said:" A brandy-and-soda was good enough for him." I reminded them that all public-houses were closed till six o'clock. Stillbrook said, "That;s all right-BONA-FIDE travellers."

We arrived; and as I was trying to pass, the man in charge ofthe gate said:" Where from?" I replied:" Holloway." He immediately put up his arm, and declined to let me pass. I turned back for a moment, when I saw Stillbrook, closely followed by Cummings and Gowing, make for the entrance. I watched them, and thought I would have a good laugh at their expense, I heard the porter say:" Where from?" when, to my surprise, in fact disgust, Stillbrook replied:" Blackheath," and the three were immediately admitted.

Gowing called to me across the gate, and said:" We shan't be a minute." I waited for them the best part of an hour. When they appeared they were all in most excellent spirits, and the only one who made an effort to apologise was Mr, Stillbrook, who said to me:" It was very rough on you to be kept waiting,but we had another spin for S. and B.'s" I walked home in silence; I couldn't speak to them. I felt very dull all the evening, but deemed it advisable NOT to say anything to Carrie about the matter.

The one about banisters

Spent the whole of the afternoon in the garden, having this morning picked up at a bookstall for fivepence a capital little book, in good condition, on GARDENING. I procured and sowed some half-hardy annuals in what I fancy will be a Carrie. Carie came out rather testy, I thought. I said:" I have just discovered we have got a lodging-house." She replied:" How do you mean?" I said:" Look at the BOARDERS." Carrie said:" Is that all you wanted me for?" I said:" Any other time you would have laughed at my little pleasantry." Carrie said:" Certainly-AT ANY OTHER TIME, but not when I am busy in the house." The stairs looked very nice. Gowing called, and said the stairs looked ALL RIGHT, but it made the banisters look ALLL WRONG, and suggested a coat of paint on them also, which Carrie quite agreed with. I walked round to putley, and fortunately he was out, so I had a good excuse to let the banisters slide. By-the-by, that is rather funny.

How small the world is!

An extraordinary coincidence: Carrie had called in a woman to make some chintz covers for our drawing-room chairs and sofa to prevent the sun fading the green rep of the furniture. I saw the woman, and recognised her as a woman who used to work years ago for my old aunt at Clapham. It only shows how small the world is.

The one about green cigar

Mustard-and-cress and radishes not come up yet. Left Farmerson repairing the scraper, but when I came home found three men working. I asked the meaning of it, and Farmerson said that in making a fresh hole he had penetrated the gas-pipe. He said it was a most ridiculous place to put the gas-pipe. He said it was a most ridiculous place to put the gas-pipe, and the man who did it evidently knew nothing about his business. I felt his excuse was no consolation for the expense was no consolation for the expense I shall be put to.

In the evening, after tea, Gowing dropped in, and we had a smoke together in the breakfast-parlour. Carrie joined us later, but did not stay lone, saying the smoke was too much for her. It was also rather too much for me, for Gowing had given me what he called a green cigar, one that his friend Shoemach had just brought over from America. The cigar didn't look green, but I fancy I must have done so; for when I had smoked a little more than half I was obliged to retire on the pretext of telling Sarah to bring in the glasses.

I took a walk round the garden three or four times, feeling the need of fresh air. On returning Gowing noticed I was not smoking, offered me another cigar, which I politedly declined. Gowing began his usual sniffing, so, anticipating him, I said:" You're not going to complain of the smell of paint again?" He said:" No, not this time; but I'll tell you what, I distinctly smell dry rot;" I don't often make jokes, but I replied:" You're talking a lot of DRY ROT yourself." I could not help roaring at this, and Carrie said her sides quite ached with laughter. I never was so immensely tickled by anything I have fever said before. I actually woke up twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook.

I was saved by Buckling's intervention

Mustard-and-cress and radishes not come up yet. Today was a day of annoyances. I missed the quarter-to-nine bus to the City, through having words with the grocer's boy, who for the second time had the impretinence to bring his basket to the hall-door, and had left the marks of his dirty boots on the fresh-cleaned door-steps. He said he had knocked at the side door with his knuckles for a quarter of an hour. I knew Sarah, our servant, could not hear this, as she was upstairs doing the bedrooms, so asked the boy why he did not ring the bell? He replied that he did pull the bell, but the handle came off in is hand.

I was half-an-hour late at office, a thing that has never happened in the attendance of the clerks, and Mr.Perkupp, our principal, unfortunately choose this very morning to pounce down upon us early. Someone had given the tip to others. The result was that I was only one late of the lot. Bucking, one of the senior clerks, was a brick, and I was saved by his intervention. As I passed by Pitt's desk, I heard him remark to his neighbour:" How disgracefully late some of the head clerks arrive!" This was, of course, meat for me. I treated the observation with silence, simply giving him a look, which unfortunately had the effect of making both of the clerks laugh. Though afterwards it would have been more dignified if I had pretnded not to have heard him at all. Cumming called in the evening, and we played dominoes.

I was late at the office

Mustard-and-cress and radishes not come up yet. To-day was a day of annoyances. I missed the quarter-to-nine bus to the City, through having words with the grocer's boy, who for the second time had the impertinence to bring his basket to the hall-door, and had left the marks of his dirty boots on the fresh-cleaned door-steps. He said he had knocked at the side door with his knuckles for the quarter of an hour. I knew Sarah, our servant, could not hear this, as she was upstairs doing the bedrooms, so asked the boy why he did not ring the bell? He replied that he did pull the bell, but the handle came off in his hand.
I was half-an-hour late at the office, a thing that has never happened to me before. There has recently been much irregularity in the attenance of the clerks, and Mr. Perkupp, our principal, unfortunately choose this very moring to pounce down upon us early. Someone had given the tip to the others. The result was that I was the only one late of the lot. Buckling, one of the senior clerks, was a brick, and I was saved by his intervention. As I palled by Pitt's desk, I heard him remark to his neighbour:" How disgracefully late some of the head clerks arrive!" This was, of course, meant for me. I treated the observation with silence, simply giving him a look, which unfortunately had the efffect of making both of the clerks laugh. Thought afterwards it would have been more dignified if I had pretended not to have heard him at all. Cummings called in the evening, and we played dominoes.

A seventeen monkey

Farmerson came round to attend to the scraper himself. He seems a very civil fellow. He says he does not usually conduct such small jobs personally, but for me he would do so. I thanked him, and went to town. It is disgraceful how late some of the young clerks are at arriving. I told three of them that if Mr. Perkupp, the principal, heard of it, they might be discharged.

Pitt, a monkey of seventeen, who has only been with us six weeks, told me "to keep my hair on!" I informed him I had had the honour of being in the firm twenty year, to which he insolently replied that I "looked it." I gave him an indignant look, and said:" I demand from you some respect, sir." He replied:" All right, go on demanding." I would not argue with him any further. You cannot argue with people like that. In the evening Gowing called, and repeated his complaint about the smell of paint. Gowingis sometimes very tedious with his remarks, and not always cautious; and Carrie once very properly reminded him that she was present.

A bad morning

Commence the morning badly. The butcher whom we decided not to arrange with, called and black guarded me in the most uncalled-for manner. He began by abusing me, and saying he did not want my custom. I simply said:" then what are you making all this fuss about it for?" And he shouted out at the top of his voice, so that all the neighbours could hear:" Pah! Go along. Ugh! I could buy up'things' like you by the dozen!"

I shut the door, and was giving Carrie to understand that this disgraceful scene was entiredly her falt, when there was a violent kicking at the door, enough to break the panels. It was the blackguard butcher again, who said he had cut his foot over scraper, and would immediately bring an action against me. Called at Farmerson's, the ironmonger, on my way to town and gave him the job of moving the scrapper and repairing the bells, thinking it scarecely worth while to trouble the landlord with such a trifling matter.

Arrived home tired and worried. Mr. Putley, and painter and decorator, who had sent in a card, said he could not match the colour on the stairs, as it contained Indian carmine. He said he spent half-a-day calling at warehouses to see if he could get it. He suggested he should entirely repaint the stairs. It would cost very little more; ifhe tried to match it, he could only make a bad job of it. It would be more satisfactory to him and to us to have the work done properly. I consented, but felt I had been talked over. Planted some mustard-and-cress and radishes, and went to bed at nine.

Curate's trousers

After Church, the Curate came back with us. I sent Carrie in to open front door, which we do not use except on special occasions. She could not get it open, and after all my display, I had to take the Curate(whose name, by-the-way, I did not catch,) round the side entrance. He caught his foot in the scraper, and tore the buttom of his trousers. Most annoying, as Carrie could not well offer to repair them on Sunday. After dinner, went to sleep. Took a walk round the garden, and discovered a beautiful spot for sowing mustard-and-cress and radishes. Went to Church again in the evening: walk back with the Curate. Carrie noticed he had got on the same pair of trousers, only repaired. He wants me to take round the plate, which I think a great compliment.

Borset begged me to accept his apology

Being Saturday, I looked forward to being home early, and putting a few things straight; but two of our principals at the office were absent through illness, and I did not get home till seven. Found Borset waiting. He had been three times during the day to apologise for his conduct last night. He said he was unable to take his Bank Holiday last Monday, and took it last night instead. He begged me to accept his apology, and a pund of fresh butter. He seems, after all, a decent sort of fellow; so I gave him an order for some fresh eggs, with a request that on this occasion they should be fresh. I am afraid we shall have to get some new stair-carpets after all; our old ones are not quite wide enough to meet the paint on either side. Carrie suggests that we might ourselves broaden the paint. I will see if we can match the colour on Monday.

Borset fall over the scrapper

Eggs for breakfast simple shocking; sent them more for orders. Couldn't find umbrella, and though it was pouring with rain, had to go without it. Sarah said Mr. Gowing must have took it by mistake last night, as there was a stick in the hall that didn't belong to nobody. In the evening, hearing someone talking in a loud voice to the servant in the downstairs hall, I went out to see who it was, and was suprised to find it was Borset, on seeing me, said he would be hanged if he would ever serve City clerks any more-the game wasin't worth the though it was POSSIBLE for the city clerk to be a GENTLEMAN. He replied he was very glad to hear it, and wanted to know whether I had ever come across one, for HE hadn't. He left the house, slamming the door after him, which nearly broke the fanlight; and I heard him fall over the scrapper, which made me fell glad I hadn't removed it. When he had gone, I thought of splended answer I ought to have give him. However, I will keep it for another occasion.